Immeasureable Loss

For as long as I can remember, whenever I've been seriously troubled by something, I've always been able to find tangible relief and comfort simply through the moon or the ocean. There is something that draws me toward these natural life forces in times of stress, something that connects me to their ancient pull of cycles and tides. Within their very perpetuality there exudes a calmness, a way to make sense of what's going on. I feel it when I swim in the ocean as well.

Even if you're not a praying kind of person, life has a way of bringing you to your knees. Regardless of your beliefs or how well you think you know yourself - when you're up against a situation holding life and death in the balance, it's the ultimate leveler. You'll bargain, plead, beg and promise everything in exchange for whatever will up the ante; help, forgiveness, mercy, anything to save what is most precious to you.

To lose a child is an unspeakable loss, unlike any other. It's unnatural, it alters life in such a way that it can't be put back together again, can never be wholly restored. It's unbearable, yet if it happens you must bear it. The passage of time surely helps, but time will only scar over a raw open wound of pain, it won't take it away. You want to howl at that moon and rail at the endless ocean of pain surrounding you, yet it's only the slow day in/day out ticking of time that will inexplicably soften it for you; that will help to blunt and blur those forces that can crush you at the tragedy's onset.

You'll continue living and go on loving, but there will always be a qualifier present now to whatever joy you'll ever experience again. Living will never be as easy as it once seemed to be, nor as taken for granted.