Yesterday, I Was Caught Shoplifting.

Actually, I was caught eating the goods outright, I wasn't concealing them.

I was at Wegmans, a rather upscale grocery store that happens to have an unbelievable candy section, one that would bring out the kid in anyone, a candy section to die for. They've got all the penny candy from my childhood; atomic fireballs, red hot dollars, wax lips, wax bottles, fizzies, licorice snaps, candy cigarettes, candy buttons on paper, sugar babies, now & laters, Oh. My. God.

So there I was, cruising all the tempting choices with my bag in hand, trying to decide - when I nonchalantly dug into the raisinet bin and scooped out a small handful.

I was munching on them when two security guards slithered up behind me and flashed their badges. Gulp.

Mortified, I immediately pulled my cart over by the m&m bin. A couple of kids were pointing, whispering and snickering behind the Hershey kisses display. I smiled at the mullet-coiffed guard; she didn't smile back. They didn't make me spit out the evidence or read me my rights, they didn't even prosecute, it was just a warning. This time, anyway. But I've got a feeling there's a frozen fuzzy picture of me somewhere (from their monitor/camera) stuffing my mouth with raisinets - and its hanging up back there in their corporate offices, its on my permanent record now.

Should I seek help?